Monday, 30 June 2014

On the concept of "6a" and other strange creatures.


6a (English technical grade, by which of course I mean the likely challenge and physical difficulty that entails rather than the mere number or any spurious status associated with quoting that number although at least technical grades seem less hyped up in the "OMG first E3 (Lead dog)" bullshit) is a strange beast to me. Since it's been at the perceived limit of my onsighting / flashing ability, it's always been a bit uncertain what it actually entails. 5c I'm usually sure I can do (physically, whilst still retaining a reassuring potential to fuck it up spectacularly with cowardice or pump or both), 6b I'm usually sure I can't do (or at least not with enough percentage success rate to make it worth attempting), 6a I think I can, I hope I can, but then again it might actually be HARD. Okay so that's what I'd be trying it for, and all the associated kinaesthetic pleasure, but it's still quite daunting! 6a always seems a bit uncertain and I'm never sure of my success rate.

Since I've moved to Scotland I've done 96 6a route moves on lead (80 in Scotland, 16 elsewhere). I've failed on about 7 (that's where I've actually tried the move and failed because it was too hard or I messed it up, rather than wimping out), including a few foot slips, a couple of missed holds, and a few where I simply didn't have the power. I suppose that's a fairly decent success rate?

I'd say out of those 90+ cruxes, I've found maybe 1/4 really easy and just like 5c, 1/2 reasonably tricky but comfortable enough, and 1/4 properly hard battles. I've been constantly surprised recently getting on 6a routes and finding the moves feeling steady (recent examples including Boxed @ Kintra, Stand And Deliver and Uijet @ Gruinard), despite my power to weight ratio being the worst it's ever been. I suppose I've been a bit like the numpties who are in awe of the concept of "doing an E1 and breaking into EXTREMES OMG" - blinded by my preconceptions of what the described challenge might entail. Perhaps I needed a good solid 5d grade to bridge the conceptual gap?

Maybe I have finally defused the fog of mystique surrounding that technical grade....

Maybe I'm running out of excuses to actually try some 6b routes....

Maybe I just to find some that really inspire me....

Or maybe I need to train more and get a bit stronger first....;)


Wednesday, 25 June 2014

Mulling not moaning.


So after a month of scrappy climbing and tedious whining about it on here, I've actually done some good stuff. What I really needed was a few days away in great weather with plenty of routes to choose from and lots of mileage potential to get back into things before pushing myself a bit. So we went to Mull, my second trip there and every bit as good as the first. The North West breeze kept the midges away the entire time, the sun kept us very warm on the first day and the crag orientation kept us mercifully in the shade on subsequent days, climbing days started with a stove-top coffee pot and finished with a firm dram of Oban 15 yr old, in between they were packed with a lot of delectable wee granite routes and a final switch to Ardtun dolerite when our tips got too sore. We traipsed through a lot of bog and tussocks, I had bog foot every day but quite liked getting more walking training. We met stubborn highland cows in the middle of the road, cute puppies at the campsite, and mutant 4-horned sheep at Kintra.

 

And of course we admired the beach at Erraid although were too tired to sit and relax on it:



Overall a great trip. I do like getting a ferry over to climb somewhere too - it feels like a nice wee adventure, but all very civilised with a decent Calmac service and surprisingly fairly priced "pub grub" on board.

Since then I've also had a flying visit to Reecastle crag and rattled off a few routes in very quick succession: Gibbet Direct (nasty crux of the original, lovely finish), Thumbscrew (great fun moves, steady but bold) and Inquisition (rather exciting, two committing cruxes one bold and one physical, chuffed with this). Everything was bone dry with chalked holds and worn gear slots - quite a contrast to the cobwebs and heather of Scottish 3 star classics. Pity the crag isn't a mile long as it is truly brilliant. Hopefully more Lakes action soon.

~{§}~

Oh and before I forget. If you get wound up by something you read on my blog (probably not *this* post), you DO have a couple of options:

Option 1:

1. Think of a number between 4 and 8.
2. Double that number, and convert it to inches.
3. GO SUCK THAT AMOUNT OF DICK.

Option 2:

1. Move your mouse cursor to the cross in the top right corner and close this window.
2. Go to your browser options and "Delete history", just in case.
3. Never ever visit nor read my blog again.

I.e. if you don't like it, don't read it. This applies to anyone who gets wound up by it, whether you're a "big number" climber or a non-climbing groupie.

P.S. Options 1. and 2. are not mutually exclusive!

P.P.S. There is a hidden Option 3: Accost me personally and engage in sensible and vigorous debate about it...

Tuesday, 24 June 2014

The ethics of failing.


Climbing is a pretty simple activity. Go to a crag, pick a route you like, read the grade and information from the guidebook, have a good look at it, get on it and try to climb it. If you're good enough to do the route you'll get up it and succeed, if you're not good enough you won't and you'll fail on it by falling off or resting or whatever. If it's a new route or an unrepeated route then there won't be the same / any information about it so you might need to inspect it further rather than climbing it normally, the same if it's a cutting edge of difficulty that hasn't been climbed normally (an extremely obvious distinction that needs no further comment, it applies throughout this post). But usually you'll turn up, climb from bottom to top and than you've done the route - and done the level of challenge the grade entails. Except:

First E5!!!! WOOOOOO ( Lead RP )
First E5 fail.

Worked on rope then went for the lead. Very happy first e5.
First E5 fail.

Probably could have onsighted this, but wouldn't have :) First E4!
First E4 fail.

First E4. Went okay after I found my sequence on the rockover. ( Lead RP )
First E4 fail.

first e4 stoaked!, although made a hash of placing cams low down in the crack and came off,
First E4 fail.

My First E2! Got it second go.
First E2 fail.

After Working, what a way to claim First E2!
First E2 fail.

First E2- took a tumble on the crux, got back on the horse and got it 2nd try.
First E2 fail.

seconded up it before then lead. first E2 without bolts!
 First E2 fail.

Ummmmm..... In an ideal world UKC would replace "Lead RP", "Lead dog", "Lead dnf" and of course "TR" with "Fail".

What is so difficult to grasp that if you're doing a route at the grade given for an onsight, you've do the route as an onsight?? I presume that if someone is running a 100m sprint, they know that the time recorded is from starting at the starting line and running to the finish line, and to do that time you don't start part way along or ride a bicycle?? It's just the same and just as simple in climbing, to do that grade you do it in the context given. Sure the grade is given to the route not the ascent, but equally bloody obviously it's given for doing the route in a particular style - not worked, not with a ladder against it, not bolting on holds, not aiding it or anything else.

Anyway, there's nothing wrong whatsoever with trying and failing. It's part of the process. God knows I've failed on more routes than most people have succeeded on. It annoys me when I do it but it's nothing to be ashamed of - if I've failed on a route I haven't done it, sobeit.

Of course.....there's a world of difference between trying and failing, and not even bothering to try at all, by choosing to top-rope first. Failure to do a route is one thing, failure to even try to do it is something else. To acknowledge a challenge, to see it and be inspired by it, and somehow deliberately choose to not engage with that challenge is....very strange behaviour. Why bother to go near it at all?? If you can't even try to do it, then simply don't - there are so many more other routes to actually try.

In the context of all this common bloody sense, it was quite perturbing to see people failing to top-rope dog a mega-classic Lake District E5 trade route at a clean, dry, roadside crag the other day. It's the incomprehensibility of it that gets me. At first I assumed they'd be on a much less ascended E7 next to it (given that's getting towards the realms of "rarely climbed normally"), but no....mega-classic trade route at a very normal leading standard. Sometimes I think I'd like to know the reasoning behind this "Oh I can't do this route, so I will not do it by hanging on a top-rope", but it's such an alien concept I'd have better luck trying to understand telepathy with a squid or a patch of moss. What about "Oh I can't do this route so I'll get more skillful from doing some of the other few thousand routes in the area and get fit slogging up hills and get strong at the Bowderstone and then actually try it"?? Pass the moss-squid, it might be able to grasp that concept.

Of course "people can do what they like as long as they don't damage the rock". Sure WHATEVER. Yawn, snore, etc. What a drab response that misses the point of the climbing experience: the experience is about pleasure, about excitement, about tackling challenges....about quality. And the quality of the routes is about the experience of climbing up them, not the non-experience of not-climbing them by top-roping/working. Top-roping doesn't just eradicate the challenge and the grade, it eradicates the quality and the star rating. Sure people can choose to not-climb something, they might claim to "enjoy" that, but it doesn't make it any less weird - people choose to have sex with animals too and claim to enjoy it... And yes that is an entirely fair and accurate comparison. Cheers!


Is This The Best View In Scotland??


....says the sign at the Highland Wildlife Park, overlooking the same entirely familiar and fairly mundane vista of the Cairngorms that everyone sees everyday driving past Kingussie. No it's not even in the top 20, nor probably the top 100 depending how detailed you want to go with your best views. It's not even the Best View Of The Cairngoms From The A9 - that accolade goes to driving back down from Inverness and seeing the Cairngorms covered in snow above the intervening countryside. Admittedly within the park itself, the view of a pair of enormous polar bears flopped out on their haunches, chilling out nibbling on meat and carrots just a few yards away is a contender for the best view. But taking the Scottish landscape alone, here are a few of my favourites:

1. Kinlochewe - the view down the valley to the end of Loch Maree:
 
2. Neist - the panorama of the Outer Hebrides with the pinnacle of An Teallach in the foreground.

3. Ardmair - the view of the bay, islands, and massive ridgeline framing it:


4. Steall Meadows - the view of the meadow and the waterfall as you pop out of Glen Nevis gorge, or better still, pop down from Wave having walked up the other way:


5. Ben Ledi, Eastern Trossachs, and Ochils - the view as you pop over the hill south of Stirling on the M80 and see the start of the Highlands open up, not the most amazing but the sheer amount of hills and mountains just after leaving the Central Belt.

6. Erraid - the view of the utterly perfect beach beneath the main climbing areas:


7. Sulliven - the view either from the Leaning Block cliffs or from Ledmore Junction. Either will do!

8. Loch Torridon - the view back from the viewpoint en route to Diabeg:

  9. The view back up Gruinard River from Goat Crags:

10. Pick one of the following: Loch Linnhe up to Fort William from the Mull ferry, looking South along the coast from Aultbea to Gairloch, Glen Torridon itself, the Buckle above Rannoch Moor, any view around Gruinard Bay, any view around Stac Pollaidh, the panorama of the coastline around Tongue with Ben Hope and Ben Loyal towering in the distance, the view from Diabeg over Applecross and Skye, or any of the other thousand amazing views....


Saturday, 14 June 2014

Athletic Attitude.


Embarassing as it is, I do actually know some non-climbers. Some of them are unavoidable (family), some of them are due to odd circumstance (a few friends). Quite often they accost me with bizarre proclamations:

"You're looking fit."
I might look *whatever*, but that is irrelevant to me. Half the time I look okay I've still been too lazy and inactive.

"You seem to have lost weight."
No I haven't. I've put on 3 pounds since you last saw me and have been desperately failing to shift it.

"You're heading back home to go to the gym? You're crazy."
No, I'd be crazy NOT too. I have to keep fit and I have to keep training. That *should* be normal for me.

"You're like the Duracell bunny, you never sit still."
No. I really wish this was true, but it's the polar opposite. I spend far too much time sitting on my fat arse, being inactive, badly motivated, and disorganised.

"Stop moaning about being weak, you're much stronger than normal people."
So? I don't care about comparisons with normal people, I care about what feels right for me, and what is right by my standards and the standard of the activity I'm involved with.

"Don't worry about not exercising today, you can have a day off."
No, I absolutely cannot and must not. I MUST keep exercising for my own health (DVTs + seeming high tendency to weight gain) and my own sanity (passionate about an activity that requires fitness and strength).



Basically non-climbers look at me and think I'm doing great physically. This highlights two things to me: Firstly that their standards are the utterly wrong ones for me to pay attention to and judge myself by, and secondly, when I consider their comments by the correct standards, then whilst I am generally doing "okay" physically for myself and my climbing, I'm not doing "great".

I am a CLIMBER*. I am passionate about and dedicated to a challenging physical (and mental) activity, and I enjoy pushing myself and progressing (or maintaining) my ability in that activity. It's not something I "do", it's something I "am".  The standards I judge myself by are those of an athlete - albeit an amateur punterish athlete, but an athlete nevertheless. Ideally I focus on that activity, I do it a lot, and I train both generally and specifically for it. Ideally I would have an athletic attitude, to get the most out of what I enjoy doing physically.

Except, of course, I don't: * - I am a climber but that is sort of mixed in with being a geek, being a gamer, being a depressive sort, oh and being a bit of a cripple too. My attitude is tainted with a whole load of issues that you fuckers don't need to know the details off but that inhibit my desires and motivation and encourage me to sink into ruts of inactivity, whilst my tangential other interests allow me to wallow in those ruts all too easily. Hardly the attitude of an effective athlete, is it??

I need to have that athletic attitude. Not in a rigid, dry, monotonous, excessively regimented and scheduled sort of way because whilst I want to be a better person I don't want to be that sort of better person, and the regimentation doesn't really work with my climbing passion. This is why I'm writing about ATTITUDE, the attitude of training and exercise and activity being the complete normal status quo. It's more of a generalised way-of-life thing. In which I am fit.....I do maintain (or even lose) weight.....I go to the gym often because that is totally normal.....I don't sit still all the time....I do keep strong.....and maybe then, with the right attitude, I could even afford the occasional day off because it will be in the context of regular, normal, dedicated action and activity.

I NEED TO HAVE THAT ATTITUDE.


Sunday, 8 June 2014

The Gun Show vs The Gut Show



Wearing a hideously bright power vest might make your arms look a bit bigger (and you look a bit of a twat), but it doesn't make you any less of a fat, heavy, and weak climber.

Recently I have had no less than 3 climber guys mention "the size of my arms". 3 guys who were nice enough but not quite enough to "turn" me, sorry. Relatively muscular arms in theory vaguely correspond to stronger muscles and thus vaguely correspond to hauling yourself up rockfaces, but it's not even remotely close to being that simple: Arms were mentioned by Colin when I was down at Bramcrag Quarry, where of course it's mostly slabby and decent finger strength, dry skin, and good smearing are far more important, and then by Richie and Davie at Ashie Fort, where of course it's bold and intricate and steely fingers and, stamina for fiddling gear, and a cool confidence are far more important. No-one mentioned it when I was in the steeper stuff at Reiff because those so-called muscles didn't do fuck all then did they....

So all of this means that the "hide the gut show the guns" power vest motto is, errrr, working aesthetically. So I guess I might get some good photos.....on routes that are piss easy because I'm too weak to get up anything else. Muscles, schmuscles. They mean precisely jack shit when you're far too fucking overweight AND have no stamina AND no lock-off ability AND no confidence to push past the pump. I don't even know what they are doing on my arms to be honest, and having anyone mention them is ironic and farcical. No one mentions how slim I am nor how long I can hang out without getting pumped nor how confidently I can push on above gear. I can't even think of any items of luminous clothing that could encourage nor highlight those more relevant features/skills. Power feather fucking boa maybe??

Possibly the simplest truism in physical climbing is there is no substitute for being skinny and light as fuck. Sure anyone can point out the few exceptions who are 1. Actually still light as fuck not just as light as fuck as the other good climbers, and 2. Ridiculously fucking overstrong with it. So any dissent is pure bollox. Conversely people keep expressing amazement when Ondra takes his shirt of and there is nothing there (incidentally I think Ondra is now topping my world-class climber man-crush table, just ahead of Dave G with Nalle possibly in 3rd, this crush is nothing to do with physique it is to do with incredible climbing and a devoted but fun attitude). Well fucking DUH of course there is nothing there - except skin bones and fast twitch muscle fibre. I suspect my forearms are bigger than Ondra's calves but I suspect every bit of Ondra's body is honed to hauling himself up 9as onsight and that his power to weight ratio is astronomically high. It's all about power-to-weight and it's exactly the same down at more relevant levels and every time I hear fucking Shark or my mates Dunc or Phil moaning about being heavy or weak they need a serious boot in the cock for being some combination of skinny cunts, tall cunts, or strong cunts and still daring to complain about it.

Anyway I'm off to the gym. Hopefully the muscles won't get any bigger but if I manage to burn a fraction of an ounce off it might help the tiniest bit...


Saturday, 7 June 2014

Months of moronitude.


January - The Month Of Potential: Cruising along after a brilliant 2013 and an inspiring trip to the grit in December, trip booked to Pedriza for maximum slab practise and hopefully the perfect practise for the tail end of the grit season.

February - The Month Of Sulking: All cruising come to an abrupt halt with a randomly tweaked wrist - can't stir fry, struggle to do the dishes and wipe my butt. Can't train and can't go to the gym and get pretty depressed and slothful and even more overweight.

March - The Month Of Recovery: The wrist slowly starts healing, the weather slowly becomes more reliable for general trad and I'm able to potter around. Knowing that I just need gentle mileage, it's quite pleasant getting back into and exploring a bit.

April - The Month Of Near Normality: As always happens, a steady diet of Easy Trad (tm) has got my wrist into a generally functional state, especially for almost all climbing except coming into underclings from below. The mileage has paid off and I'm climbing pretty well and doing some good challenges.

May - The Month Of Scrappiness: And yet somehow in May it all gets a bit scrappy, scrappy periods of intermittent reasonable weather, scrappy venues to take advantage of the weather windows but that never seem to offer reliable climbing, scrappy climbing progress that is actually more regress as despite feeling more healed than ever. I seem to have done a fair bit of climbing and can't remember any of it.

June - The Month Of .... Fuck knows. The month of more stupid intermittent weather?? The month of feeling lazy and slothful and slacking off my training?? The month of being hopelessly disorganised and missing out on most dry weather days??

....The month of really needing to get my act together. I am about as focused as a wet fart at the moment and if I dared try to pull a hard move that's probably what would happen. Once again there is a massive disparity between my levels of psyche and inspiration (high) and my levels of motivation and organisation (wtf?). Once again I feel detatched from myself because of that. That's not some airy fairy hippy bullshit (I had steak last night...), just simple facts. I happen to be a climber so I better fucking act like one.


Tuesday, 3 June 2014

MungasFAIL, Leaning FAIL, Ashie FAIL.


Back in the North West recently. Lots of good stuff: I got to hang out plenty with PJ, and hang out properly with his mate Richie who is a nice guy and knows plenty about me from PJ's gossip which is kinda funny. Had a nice brief chat with Ian Taylor in Ullapool, and a lengthier and friendly chat with Gary Latter at the Leaning Block. Had a really rather good curry in Ullapool, and then burnt it off by managing to do the Leaning Block walk-in without any rests (aided by plenty of drum and bass on the mp3 player, and walking in in my underpants - I may have looked like even more of a twat than usual, but who had the freshest bawbag on arrival eh??). Had mostly great weather, got some decent sun on my lardy body, and did okay on Mungasdale and Gruinard walk-ins too. Did some useful re-recceing of inspiring routes, and worked out a better racking system for my new gear-loops-just-slightly-too-small harness. Yeah.

Oh, climbing. Yes, umm, climbing. Well the routes I did in the end would have made a pretty great single mileage day. Over a long weekend, much less so. Mungasdale was too warm and midgy to get on my main inspirations, and I even ended up failing on E2 groove there, partly because it was truly fucking awful climbing, but really because I was too scared to push on and risk falling above gear. Leaning Block was mostly rather fine but late starts and team-of-3 logistics made it difficult to get on my main inspirations, and I ended up failing on Losaigh, partly because it was truly greasy as fuck, but really because I was too scared to push on and risk falling above gear. Gruinard was surprisingly good conditions despite light winds, but feeling jet-lagged due to the previous days ridiculous schedule precluded even looking at anything hard, Coupe Du Monde was nice compensation though. Ashie Fort was again very pleasant after managing to get there from Inverness by 2pm (!), and although I did one funky E3, I ended up failing on the Sick Whipper / Whipper Snapper groove, partly because the wind had just bloody dropped and it got too sweaty, but really because I was too scared to push on and risk falling above gear (albeit that gear was a collection of complete abstract bollox half-in cams and insitu RPs, but even so it was right next to me and 5 wrongs would have definitely made a right). Basically I am complete coward and even more so when conditions and team logistics aren't in my favour.

It's a bit dire when one starts thinking "oh it's just nice to be out in the fresh air with some good scenery and good company". Ugh. Whatever next, enjoying "nice long easy routes in the mountains"?? Therein lies the path of even fatterness, even weakerness, even punterliness. I had to make it back up by going to Ratho the day after and making sure I did a bit of beastmaking as a penance after doing my usual routes session. That route session included some of the usual falling practise but clearly I need to do it more and bigger as it's still holding me back.

Ashie route I didn't fail on: